Your minor hockey questions
October 19, 2009
Lois Kalchman answers your questions on minor hockey. Today, how to encourage a young player who is holding back.
Question
We have a 6-year-old son who is a first year novice. He was in our local initiation program 2 years ago and in the Tyke program last year. He is a very good skater and is improving his puck handling skills every time he is on the ice. He iscompletely involved with all the drills and he says he loves playing hockey ... at practice. But when it comes to game time he looks very anxious and confused when on the ice. He actually goes out of his way to avoid touching the puck.
We see how much fun he has during practices butwe don't know how he can enjoy the games when we can see how he avoids the play during the games. We know he has the skills and we are concerned that his teammates may say something to him that may make him upset and want to quit. Hockey offers so much more to a child's development than just the hockey skills and we don't what to see him miss out on any of what the game has to offer. We have asked him what he is worried about and that we can see he is not himself during games but he is persistent that nothing is wrong. We have told him that is one of the better skaters on him team and that he does so well during all the drills at practice. We have told him that there is nothing to be afraid of and that we want him to go out and have fun. Is there anything we can do to help him get over this lack of confidence?
P.J.
Answer
This is an interesting situation that I am sure others have experienced. I sense he is afraid to fail for some reason.
I asked Dr. Paul Dennis to answer. He is a sport psychologist but not just an academic. He knows kids as a parent, a high school teacher, was president of the Toronto Marlboros in the Greater Toronto Hockey League years ago, coached minor hockey and major junior and has just spent years as director of development with the Toronto Maple Leafs. He and the Leafs parted company this year and he is teaching at both the University of Toronto and York University.
You told me that your son does extremely well at school, loves his practices and even a hockey school that he attended but can't seem to transfer that love to the game itself.
Dr. Dennis said your message to your son is terrific. "Relax, go out and have fun.
"The pressure appears to be self-imposed and not coming from parents or coaches," he wrote in an email. "Whenever the opportunity presents itself, the boy should be praised for his effort, persistence, vitality, but not for being successful by scoring goals etc. If the child is not willing to take the initiative and repeat what he does in practice, he may be afraid of making mistakes and then he may feel others will view him as inadequate. As a result, he won't put himself in a position to risk that. Encouragement is the best recommendation. The more he experiences success during he game, the more he'll continue to keep trying new things."
Hope this helps .
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