Support for new moms
June 8, 2009
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Tracey Ruiz
Just over a year ago I purchased a new vehicle, it was a great experience, and I even negotiated driving it off the show room floor.
When I think back on that experience, as odd as it may seem, I think we could learn a lot from the way car salesmen support us as we make a big investment. The man that sold me my vehicle prepared me for what' ahead. He made sure I knew about all the different options, how to keep up on the maintenance of the vehicle, and where to go for help should anything go wrong.
If only we got this kind of service and support from our hospitals after we give birth. You see times have changed. Gone are the days when one stayed in the hospital for five to ten days after giving birth. Those were transition days where women could physically recover, have a few restful nights, get a good start on breastfeeding, and get to know their babies while surrounded with helpful health care professionals.
Today women are in and out of the hospital, sometimes in 24 hours and even women in high risk situations are rarely in for more than three or four days, before they are discharged. The Canadian Maternal Satisfaction survey showed us that 42.3% of all women reported having “a great deal of a problem” with at least one postpartum health issue during the first three months after the birth. (This survey did not include mothers of multiples, women living on a reserve, and women living in institutions.)
Can you imagine a company — or, for the sake of this comparison, a dealership — getting this kind of customer satisfaction rating? What’s worse is that we’re talking about living, human beings, not new mechanical toys.
The reality is parents get a breastfeeding lesson at the hospital, maybe a demo on swaddling or bathing, but there just isn’t the time to explore other key parenting areas like soothing your child, or who to contact if there’s a problem. Parents are sent home ill-prepared for what’s ahead. Mom is tired after giving birth, uncomfortable, sometimes in pain, and her milk may not have even come in. She is thrown into a new routine, and the reality of the fatigue and the all-consuming nature of breastfeeding, and coupled with confusion about baby care, is often emotionally overwhelming. The highs and lows can be extreme and difficult to cope with for mom and for her partner.
If you’re lucky you may have a mother, mother-in-law or friend who will come by and help you out during this transition period. But many Canadians don’t often live in the same city, or even country, of their extended families. That whole "its takes a village" thing? Just not happening with any regularity. The community is not there, in most cases.
Many mothers will receive a call from public health within the first two weeks, but the issue is that often one’s adrenaline is still running high in those days, making it hard to address key problems during that call.
Over the next weeks, laundry and dishes starts to build up, nutrition and proper eating habits fall by the wayside, fatigue turns into exhaustion… It’s at this stage many moms feel out of control and for some, post-partum depression can start to become a factor. My car salesman called me after the first week, then six weeks, six months and finally at the one-year mark. Wouldn’t it be great if families received this same formal follow-up?
To regain some form of control many women turn to the Internet to try and get a grasp on what's going on — a latch that might not feel right, diapers that might look a little mysterious, and so on. There are two things at issue here. The first is the Internet itself. There is an abundance of information online and too many people calling themselves “experts”. The second issue is that many women think they are doing something wrong when that’s not the case at all.
As mothers, we have this obsession with being perfect. But it's normal not to know exactly what to do. There is no perfect step-by-step guide that covers all babies. It's easy to forget that you’re new at this… it takes time to figure it out! In these circumstances, I tell my clients that the Internet is a great resource, but you can get sucked in to reading the thousands of conflicting opinions and in the end be even more overwhelmed than when you started. So instead, parent with your heart and it’s sure to be the right decision for you and your family.
HERE'S HOW TO FIND RESOURCES THAT MAY ACTUALLY HELP
Luckily, there are plenty of ways to get good assistance. You just need to know where to find them.
Always begin with talking to your family doctor or pediatrician for a “service call" of sorts. They are a great primary resource of information, and may recommend resources they have found valuable for their patients.
Public Health Departments have a variety of options depending on your needs and can be a valuable referral source to a variety of government programs.
Doulas can be a valuable resource for any family. They provide families with physical, emotional, and educational support during pregnancy, birth, and the postpartum period. I most recently felt sleep problems were another area of support parents needed, and now offer sleep doula services for exhausted parents who can't get a baby or toddler (or even older child) to sleep well.
Lactation support can come from variety of resources. There are lactation clinics, lactation consultants who do house calls, doctors like Dr. Nadine Manson, and of course Dr. Jack Newman. There is the Le Leche League, and a variety of breastfeeding "warm lines" for moms having difficulties.
When the baby blues just don’t go away there are programs at Women’s College, Mount Sinai, and St Joseph's Health Centre that offer postpartum support from a range of disciplines. There are also private psychologists and psychiatrists who offer support in this area.
For nutrition concerns, you can consult a registered dietitian.
As you can see a variety of services exist to help you through the journey of parenthood. A dream of mine is that the government will take a look at how some of the European countries and health systems support new parents, or take a quick lesson from my car salesman on how to truly provide service that will help parents cope with their new bundles of joy.
Tracey Ruiz, otherwise known as The Sleep Doula, specializes in helping babies, toddlers and children sleep. Working in the trenches with thousands of families over the last nine years, Tracey has seen it all: Co-sleepers, 15-minute nappers, babies who can sleep standing up, parents who don't like to hear their baby cry. For more information visit sleepdoula.com.