Menon: Baby 101 — A new dad's crib sheet
January 19, 2010
Vinay Menon
They say fatherhood does not come with an instruction manual.
But in Britain, the government is now considering giving new fathers a "Dad's Guide" to help them support their partners.
Inspired by this, I now give you ... 10 Essential Tips For New Fathers Nobody Ever Told Me:
1. Remember To Have Non-Baby Conversations With Your Spouse
Nothing makes the outside world disappear faster than a baby. Politics, sports, restaurants, books, TV, all of this ceases to exist when you get home from the hospital smelling like ointment and panic.
Is Avatar a movie or a new brand of diapers?
Is David Miller still the mayor? You and your partner have no idea. While much of this disconnect is unavoidable, you should strive to find at least 15 minutes each day to discuss something other than feedings, baths and all the sleep you once took for granted.
2. Do Not Be Afraid To Ask For Help
New fathers are often reluctant to ask for assistance. This is silly. Look at yourself! Look at your filthy clothes! Your eyes are bloodshot! Ask your family for help already.
3. Limit Your Exposure To Experts
The more time you spend learning about fatherhood, the less time you have to be a father.
But the moments you cherish most are unlikely to come from a structured activity you read about in a book.
No, these moments will unfold on a lazy Sunday as you sprawl on a blanket and your baby touches your face for the first time and you feel something you have never felt before. I call it, "The Eye Poke Of Unconditional Love."
4. Subscribe To A Men's Magazine You Previously Didn't Read
GQ, Esquire, Details, Men's Health – the specific title doesn't matter. The important thing is to receive a monthly dose of male-oriented news and culture and escapism and Megan Fox updates.
5. Use A Counterintuitive Response When Reacting To Stressful Situations
Angry? Lower your voice. Frustrated? Laugh out loud. Tired? Do some jumping jacks. It sounds deranged but it works. (I typed this tip after doing 1,000 push-ups.)
6. Do Not Get Tricked Into Purchasing Needless Baby Products
Modern parenting has turned into one big shopping spree that begins around the first ultrasound picture.
Then one day you will look around and think: "Why didn't we ever use that Diaper Genie?
Why did we waste money on a bottle warmer, wipes warmer, activity mat, co-sleeper, change table, multi-compartment diaper bag, baby towels, and stroller accessories?" You don't need 80 per cent of what you think you need.
7. Adjust Your Own Bed Time
Yes, it would be great to watch the news or The Daily Show as you did before. But chances are you will be getting up a few times between midnight and dawn.
So don't be ashamed to turn in early. Sleep is an elusive beast: Slay it when you can.
8. Stay Connected With Friends
This new passage in your life is even more enjoyable if you share the ride with people who knew you before the motor started. (Also: Friends are more likely to babysit in the future if you acclimatize them to the wailing now.)
9. Sing To Your Baby
You will be amazed at the soothing properties of your voice. It doesn't matter if you can carry a tune.
Of course, if your singing is really dreadful, maybe just do it when you're alone with your baby.
10. Take Lots Of Photos
These days will pass by in a flash.
vmenon@thestar.ca or twitter.com/vinaymenon
Toronto Star