Kids won’t listen? 6 ways to tune them in
January 16, 2012
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Julia Cook
MCCLATCHY-TRIBUNE
Teaching children to listen and follow instructions effectively has been a problem since the beginning of time. When trying to improve a child’s ability to listen and follow instructions, it is not enough for parents just to put a stop to the child’s current behavior, you need to teach the child what to do and how to do it.
There’s no magic wand you can wave to solve any of your children’s problems, whether related to listening or something else. Instead, think of it this way – you’re teaching your children to wave their own magic wands.
If you have a child who struggles with listening and following instructions, here are a few tips that might help:
• Be genuine – If you want a child to really listen to you when you are talking, you must model good listening skills. Look at the child who is talking and use your eyes, your ears and your body language to show that you are listening to what they are saying as opposed to just hearing their voice.
• Play Simon Says – Role play and model listening and following instructions. In order for a child to understand what it means to really listen and follow instructions, they must know firsthand what the skill looks like, sounds like, feels like, etc. They must also know what it looks like, sounds like and feels like when they are not listening and following instructions.
• Pump up the positives – Catch a child doing something right and notice it. “You get more bees in this world with honey than you ever do with vinegar.” The more often you sincerely praise a child for attempting to listen and follow instructions, the harder they will work in the future to earn additional approval. Use individual rewards whenever a child demonstrates effective listening and following instruction skills.
• Keep instruction/explanation times short – It is very difficult for a child to listen intently for longer than about 5 minutes. Don’t use 60 words to explain something if it only takes six.
• Don’t give too many instructions all at once – Use a step-by-step approach filled with pauses and praise.
• Establish a listening signal – To let your kids know when it is time to listen actively, come up with your own code word or phrase. Fun sayings like “1, 2, 3 ... look at me!” or “Give me five ... minutes of your time!” can be helpful. Make one up together.
Julia Cook MS is a former teacher and school guidance counselorand the author of The WORST Day of My Life EVER (2011, Boys Town Press).