Setting your parenting resolutions
December 31, 2008
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Lisa Bendall
PARENTCENTRAL.CA
I know a heckuva lot of moms and dads. But I can’t think of a single one who would brand themselves a perfect parent. In fact, according to a national Invest in Kids survey, fewer than half of Canadians with children under six have confidence in their parenting skills. No wonder then, as New Year’s rolls around, many of us resolve to be better parents.
Dwelling on my own faculty as a mom, I know I’m not half-bad. The vast majority of the time, I’d like to think I’m a warm, positive parent who nurtures her kid’s healthy development (we won’t speak of the rest of the time, when I’m a screaming banshee in stylish eyeglasses).
But as we dig into 2009, I find myself taking fresh inventory of my mommy skills and contemplating a little reformation. A self-confessed micromanager, sometimes I have trouble letting go. And now that my daughter is nine, I know I need to encourage her to take up more responsibilities around the house. Sure, it’s faster and easier when I make her bed myself, hang up her wet towels, find her snowboots, instead of nagging her to do it. But I need to step back, let her grow – and give myself a break.
I asked friends if they, too, are thinking about turning over a new parenting leaf in 2009. Heather Stonehouse, mom to daughters aged 11 and 15, says she wants to find better ways to spend together time. “Our family time has been lacking in creativity,” she tells me. “Watching TV is our default when we have a free evening.”
My friend Jacinta Ellis has a New Year’s goal, too. She’s hoping to resolve the potty power struggle she has with her three-year-old girl over doing number two in the loo. “She likes to feel in control,” she says. So invariably they end up butting heads in the bathroom.
Probably most of us can think of something we’d like to change about the way we parent. Unfortunately, three-quarters of us won’t keep our New Year’s resolutions past March, according to FranklinCovey Products, an effectiveness consulting company.
But Lara Morris, a Halifax life coach and facilitator, says there are ways to help your parenting resolutions last longer than the snow. First, make sure you have support. If your goal is to attend more of your son’s hockey games, talk to your partner about taking over dinner prep on those evenings. “Look for allies who will help to keep you motivated, help to hold you accountable,” Morris adds. Maybe there’s a friend who’ll attend a parenting workshop with you, if you’re casting about for more positive methods of discipline.
Often, success depends on self-educating. If your resolution is to give your kids healthier snacks, what will help is learning more about nutrition, or Googling some easy-to-dish-up recipe ideas.
An about-face in behaviour can seem overwhelming. But rather than think of your goal as some unattainable state of nirvana, plan small but specific actions in the right direction. “It’s almost always easier when you break it down into steps,” says Morris.
That’s what my friends are doing. Jacinta is putting together a sticker chart to reinforce her daughter’s potty progress. Heather canvassed her book club for some family game ideas – and wasn’t Santa obliging enough to leave one under the Christmas tree?
I’m taking it a step at a time, too. I am gently extricating myself from my role as she-who-does-everything-around-here, gradually setting out a few new chores and responsibilities for my little girl.
Today, it’s the wet towel on the floor. Tomorrow, the world.
What are your parenting goals for 2009?
Do you want to be more patient? Help your address work through a problem at school? Spend less time checking the Blackberry and more just having fun with your kids? Comment on this article to share your goals, and take our poll on the parentcentral.ca home page.