Menon: Beware Harvard-bound toddlers
October 27, 2009
Vinay Menon
Like most parents, I want my children to be smart.
The other day, as I was in the backyard with one of my daughters, she pointed at a pile of fallen leaves and said, "Daddy, winter is coming."
"That's right, darling," I said, crouching down and beaming with pride. "You're so smart! Tell me something else."
She gazed at me with an inscrutable smirk.
My God, I thought, this 3-year-old genius is about to expound on the theory of relativity. She is going to recite Shakespeare. She is going to build a particle accelerator out of the lawn mower and I forgot my camera.
"Daddy," she said, stomping and crunching leaves, "Are you a tree?"
Not since she doodled a kitty cat that looked more like an amoeba had I felt so deflated. But as she laughed and broke into "Wheels on the Bus," I swooped her into my arms and realized two things:
- A toddler's mind works in mysterious ways.
- Parents should stop obsessing over development and, more important, stop spending obscene amounts of money on "educational" products.
Take the Baby Einstein series of DVDs. After a lengthy PR war with detractors who alleged false advertising, Disney is now accepting full refunds on these ubiquitous titles.
As it turns out, these videos will not turn your child into a future Stephen Hawking. Actually, if some research is to be believed, they may not even turn him into a future Stephen Baldwin.
Good on Disney, I guess, even if this de facto recall has more to do with the threat of a class-action lawsuit than corporate altruism.
But, really, the bigger question is this: How could parents be dumb enough to believe there was ever a correlation between these videos and the intelligence of their children?
I am now watching a DVD from the Baby Einstein collection called "Baby Mozart." So far, I've seen perpetual motion machines, a woefully inaccurate representation of our solar system and an unknown green creature that has a protruding red tongue, floppy yellow ears and one-word vocabulary: "Blah."
Is the shot of toy trains going to help my daughters get into Harvard? Is the segment that features pictures of barnyard animals flashing atop a demented score – let's call it a barking alphabet – going to prevent them from a career that involves sitting behind a drive-thru window while asking motorists, "What can I get you?"
Or a few months from now, is my daughter going to ask if I'm a rock?
The truth is, Baby Einstein is not the problem. It is merely a reflection of a consumer-driven culture in which new parents are bombarded with endless marketing and endless guilt trips if they do not embrace the latest product in the lucrative developmental market.
Have you noticed that toy blocks aren't just toy blocks any more? They are scientifically engineered "to boost fine motor control." And, sure, your child seems jolly, but that jumper is also improving her balance and coordination.
If cuddling is your only concern, you could buy a traditional teddy bear. That is, one that doesn't do anything. But in tomorrow's hyper-competitive economy, shouldn't you invest in a teddy bear that can tell stories, teach about shapes and sing nursery rhymes?
My daughters now own more "educational" toys, games and videos than all of their ancestors combined. But without a doubt, they are most engaged and intellectually stimulated when partaking in activities that do not cost a thing: reading time, colouring time, dance time, make-believe time.
So to Baby Einstein and its dubious ilk, there is only one thing left to say: Blah.
Vinay Menon can be reached at vmenon@thestar.ca.
Toronto Star